Dearest Gertrude,
It is day 96 of the Great Email Outage. The slow pace of our communication by post makes me yearn for you stronger than ever. Especially since the post office has been fucked for many years now. The Polaroids of your bosom are quite welcome. But, alas, they do not hit the same as a JPEG. Please enjoy the enclosed 35mm slide of my nethers.
Yours truly,
Chief
