@neil I like this post more than another post that I recently read. Mostly because instead of relying on statistics for a population that might not fit, it clearly states "women have to assume *all* men until proven otherwise through action" and that realizing a man might not be put in a situation for that proof to ever come. It makes it very clear the power imbalance in men's favor and, as you said, the violations women have suffered as a result.

@neil

Just as you cannot change the shape of a ceramic pot after it has been fired, you cannot change the fundamental behaviour of a person beyond childhood.

The only realistic way to tackle this issue is at its source: upbringing.

#notAllMen #upbringing #parenting #childhood

@neil one guy at work was ranting about this, "Not all men are rapey bastards!", and I had to point out that, actually, not all men are safe for women to be around, and in fact it is just about impossible to prove that a man is safe to be around - just because you haven't done something yet doesnt mean you won't in 5 minutes¹.
In many ways, its easier if men are known to be abusers - ive seen support networks spring up to keep certain men away from women - but its certainly more dangerous if a particular man is thought to be safe, if he suddenly turns out to be something else.
All we can do is lead by example, and call out any bad behaviour

¹And yes, im including myself in this - I know im not like that, but no woman can be sure of that.

@neil Thanks Neil. Good post and it is very helpful to see it from a man.

I think men need to call in other men at all levels from shutting down shitty jokes through to having a quiet word with someone who is making women uncomfortable. Be the man who says "I am happy to call other men in if you like" and be willing to share resources and encourage other men to be and behave better.

Where someone clearly continues with creepiness regardless of intervention; are they worth talking to?

@neil you make a point here that touches with my awful experience of sexual assault as a child. For a long time afterwards I did not trust any man.

Obviously, not that every man posed imminent danger to me, but I could no longer interpret how a man would look at me. Every time a man looked at me in the street, I wanted to fold myself up, so he couldn't see the parts of me that made me woman-ish.

It was not the fault of those men, but I could no longer process what might constitute danger.

@neil This, although I have just muted someone for a long blog post saying that statistics show that it's literally every man literally offering violence to women, even gay men? OP looked male to me -- no pronouns in bio -- so I assume they were including themselves?

Lots of confused thinking about this, I think. Not your post, though.