My last two weeks at work, with some nouns and verbs changed to protect privacy:

"Bad actors are interfering with your fruit bowl!"
"Oh no! I thought I took pretty good care of it. Does it need a wash?"
"We're taking your fruit bowl away until we've established what happened."
"OK, don't take too long, though, lots of people use that."
(two weeks pass)
"Someone turned this orange into a bomb."
"I can see someone has written 'BOMB' on it. Is there any evidence it's actually a bomb now?"
"We're still establishing if they turned any other fruit into bombs."
"But this one looks safe, right? Can I eat it?"
"It might explode at any moment. You can have it back when we've finished our investigation."
"😮‍💨 ... In your mind, how do you think this could have become explosive? All I can see is some Sharpie marks."
"Here's your orange back."
"And the rest of the fruit bowl?"
"Still under investigation. Actually, give me that orange back."
"... ok ..."
"What are you doing to prevent this orange from exploding in the future?"
(inchoate screaming into the void)