Post by @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

It is DARK. It is COLD. It is RAINING. I am TIRED. I had a bad day at work yesterday which I responded to by having a bit of a LATE NIGHT. I had to go to LONDON TOWN today, which is the loudest and most terrifying place on this or any other PLANET.

I cannot convey to you the depths of which I do not wish to go running. I haven't been in weeks because I've been ill. I don't think I even remember how to run. Is that the one with the arms?

Trish is basically making me go. Urgh. Stupid Trish. I'm sure she hates me.

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Scary Austin

@MaryAustinBooks@mstdn.social 3 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey
You know perfectly well that after you've tortured yourself running and had a shower you will feel great and like yourself. It's hell, purgatory and Heaven all in one day, every day, and that is why I'm a runner too.

Charlotte Walker

@purplepadma@beige.party 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Trish is infinitely wise

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 5 hr. ago

I really really hate running. It is stupid and idiotic and hurty and hot and my legs hurt and it's night time and I just want pie and sleep. Why can't it be pie and sleep time. Why must it always be hot and hurty time. Why not pastry and restorative rest. Why can't I get what I need from flour. Flour loves me. Running is my sworn enemy. It's like I'm in that stupid video game from the 1980s where you had to mash the buttons to make the person run. Only I am the person and I must mash my own buttons. Why cannot someone mash my buttons for me. Why do they even need to be mashed. THIS IS 2026 WE HAVE WIRELESS CHARGING.

dragonfrog

@dragonfrog@mastodon.sdf.org 3 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey This is why bicycles were invented - they let you move your muscles to propel your body about, without then feeling like you've been hitting your knees and ankles with a rubber mallet.

Log 🪵

@log@mastodon.sdf.org 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey No, Ben. Running is not Summer Olympics for the NES. It is so much worse. It is QWOP. If someone else is to be pushing your QWOP keys, I need for them to promise that they're really good at it and that you won't end up impaled on your own femur or rolled up into a katamari ball.

Kim Possible :kimoji_fire:

@kimlockhartga@beige.party 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Pie and Sleep sounds like Heaven!

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 4 hr. ago

@kimlockhartga

Imagine sleeping in a big pie. When I am ruler this is what I shall do. Fresh pie every night. Submerged in warm gravy. Cover my eyes with carrots. Wake up in the night and nom. Lovely.

Kim Possible :kimoji_fire:

@kimlockhartga@beige.party 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey ah, this is where our imagination diverges a bit. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to try a savoury pie, but they aren't as common across the Pond.

I always think of pie as dessert, unless it's a pizza pie. 😁 My favorites are boysenberry, cherry, blueberry, peach, and a few specialty ones like key lime pie and coconut creme pie.
Here are a few pies I have made, including a quiche, which has a pastry crust like a pie, but a more savoury flavor that you might like.

4 media files

A rustic double crust peach pie, with homemade rough-edged crust. The peach filling has bubbled up nicely.

This is either cherry or blueberry. The lattice crust was so hard to do with gluten-free crust. It kept breaking, so I just dof my best. This is before it went in the oven.

Homemade Florentine quiche with a mix of sharp and mild cheese, and many eggs.

A slice of the quiche, before I gobbled it down. The cooked spinach kept the filling from drying out, which turned out lovely, if I do say so myself.

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Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 4 hr. ago

Why must I be the most put-upon person around. When is it my time. I could do so much good in this world if I wasn't so exhausted from all the other stuff. If I were Andy Burnham I would just pick people like me and agree they don't have to do all the other stuff and can just focus on doing art and cooking and making love and sleeping and helping out down the library and taking kids to the cinema and then just eating lots and lots of sandwiches and then having a nice lie down and watch the telly. That is what I would do. Why isn't he doing that? Because he is a TERRIBLE PRIME MINISTER. Someone have a word with him please. #UKpol

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 4 hr. ago

I could just pretend I went and not tell anyone. Just have a nap and then chuck some water in my face and jump up and down for a bit. Go home and talk about how I feel so good or whatever and no longer stressed or depressed or squirrelly. But I would know. Stupid me, always watching. I really hate that guy. Mind your own beeswax you narc. Just let me be.

Ben, sleepy version.

@BenCotterill@mastodon.social 1 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Jog to a pie shop.
I just got back from a walk. Bought sweets from the shop.
It’s how mum gets dad to go on a Sunday walk. “There is a pub halfway”.

randomized

@randomized@masto.bike 2 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey the pie tastes always better AFTER the run,

Nick

@Nickiquote@mstdn.social 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Your secret is safe with me. I will continue not to report whether you went for a run or not to anyone in my life.

1 more reply

Itchy & Witchy 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🖖🏼

@farah@beige.party 4 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey here’s a radical thought- have you tried not going to run?

~5 more replies

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 2 hr. ago

@farah All of the time

Itchy & Witchy 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🖖🏼

@farah@beige.party 2 hr. ago

@TheBreadmonkey personally I don’t care for doing stuff that I hate even if they are good for me. If you don’t like to do something, you really shouldn’t do it. Life’s too short to live with regret.

If you’re doing it for health reason, I’m sure you can find something else

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 2 hr. ago

@farah

You'd think so, but I've tried everything and running is the absolute number one top thing that does everything I need. If someone can invent a sauce that fixes my mental health I would give them anything within my power.