Post by @TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

It is DARK. It is COLD. It is RAINING. I am TIRED. I had a bad day at work yesterday which I responded to by having a bit of a LATE NIGHT. I had to go to LONDON TOWN today, which is the loudest and most terrifying place on this or any other PLANET.

I cannot convey to you the depths of which I do not wish to go running. I haven't been in weeks because I've been ill. I don't think I even remember how to run. Is that the one with the arms?

Trish is basically making me go. Urgh. Stupid Trish. I'm sure she hates me.

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Charlotte Walker

@purplepadma@beige.party 45 min. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Trish is infinitely wise

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 47 min. ago

I really really hate running. It is stupid and idiotic and hurty and hot and my legs hurt and it's night time and I just want pie and sleep. Why can't it be pie and sleep time. Why must it always be hot and hurty time. Why not pastry and restorative rest. Why can't I get what I need from flour. Flour loves me. Running is my sworn enemy. It's like I'm in that stupid video game from the 1980s where you had to mash the buttons to make the person run. Only I am the person and I must mash my own buttons. Why cannot someone mash my buttons for me. Why do they even need to be mashed. THIS IS 2026 WE HAVE WIRELESS CHARGING.

Log 🪵

@log@mastodon.sdf.org 32 min. ago

@TheBreadmonkey No, Ben. Running is not Summer Olympics for the NES. It is so much worse. It is QWOP. If someone else is to be pushing your QWOP keys, I need for them to promise that they're really good at it and that you won't end up impaled on your own femur or rolled up into a katamari ball.

Kim Possible :kimoji_fire:

@kimlockhartga@beige.party 39 min. ago

@TheBreadmonkey Pie and Sleep sounds like Heaven!

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 35 min. ago

@kimlockhartga

Imagine sleeping in a big pie. When I am ruler this is what I shall do. Fresh pie every night. Submerged in warm gravy. Cover my eyes with carrots. Wake up in the night and nom. Lovely.

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 42 min. ago

Why must I be the most put-upon person around. When is it my time. I could do so much good in this world if I wasn't so exhausted from all the other stuff. If I were Andy Burnham I would just pick people like me and agree they don't have to do all the other stuff and can just focus on doing art and cooking and making love and sleeping and helping out down the library and taking kids to the cinema and then just eating lots and lots of sandwiches and then having a nice lie down and watch the telly. That is what I would do. Why isn't he doing that? Because he is a TERRIBLE PRIME MINISTER. Someone have a word with him please. #UKpol

Ben

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party 38 min. ago

I could just pretend I went and not tell anyone. Just have a nap and then chuck some water in my face and jump up and down for a bit. Go home and talk about how I feel so good or whatever and no longer stressed or depressed or squirrelly. But I would know. Stupid me, always watching. I really hate that guy. Mind your own beeswax you narc. Just let me be.