Dear panic disorder:
Get all the way fucked
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fuck off, Greg
I apologize to anyone actually named “Greg” who is following me
I do need a different name for my negative self-talk though, I have several good friends named Steve/Steven/Stephen and I don’t want them to catch strays
Apple marketing executive: can we market the Apple Watch based on how you can finally track your panic attack in real time? That is something that’ll help people calm down, right?
I guess it’s a good thing I woke up early because there’s stuff I needed to get done before my trip that ended up taking longer than expected, and now that I’m done with all it I guess I can call a Lyft.
Travel stress on top of health stress on top of persistent thanatophobia, I am having a good day /s
Made it to the airport but the wheelchair access thing is a mess
The whole airport is a mess
anyway the wheelchair service was helpful, although I don't think it'd have made much difference if I didn't use it. Also my handler was super grouchy and just kind of treated me like a battering ram? it was weird. it did make me very aware of just how unaware most people are in the airport though
anyway I'm glad I did get to use this service. highly recommended if you have fatigue or balance issues and don't mind being treated like an invalid for half an hour.
my perceptions feel super wonky today though so like uh, maybe I wouldn't have been good to walk. everything feels both very close and very far away.
although that's probably just me coming out of the panic attack haze
TIL the title of this song is not “I’m on a plane”
Nirvana - On A Plain (Audio)
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Also roughly half the passengers on this flight are geriatric and got early boarding (I also got early boarding). It’s actually made boarding overall seem a lot quicker? Gee maybe prioritizing people based on seat class isn’t the way to go.
Also I love to see how many people are masking.
I mean it’s still not very many but it’s more than I usually see these days.
Dang it the seat next to me was still open yesterday. Guess I’m in a sardine can after all.
Damn, they closed the loophole for free WiFi on Alaska Air flights. It used to be that you could just enter a T-Mobile phone number to get in but now they send an SMS OTP code to make sure it’s your number.
And I had to wait hours to send this toot.
Also omg why does a sudoku app (THAT I PAID FOR) need an internet connection to work
Also I really need to pee and also I had multiple panic attacks in flight and god damn it I maybe shouldn’t have come
anyway I'm at my parents' house and able to just breathe which is nice. at least when my mom isn't trying to momsplain everything to me about my illness that she hasn't had any experience with.
also, well, she's *trying* to not misgender me constantly
omg i took a hit off my weed vape and ended up coughing a little bit and now my mom is super worrying about my asthma and I'm like no mom I'm okay it was just a cough
how the fuck can my parents stand to have their phones constantly pinging with notifications that make noises but which they never check
have they ever had a real hearing test? the test where they're inside a sound proof room
@coolcalmcollected they have and my mom has hearing aids. My dad just rolls with it.
@fluffy the PERFECT use for this emoji, finally! 
also, maybe you could call it Alan and think about this every time to neutralize:
Alan,Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Ow, Ow, Steve, Steve, Steve...Hey, Hey, Hey...
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@fluffy god, wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?
I used to call my panic disorder “Greg.” Maybe I need to bring that back.
(I also called my negative self-talk “Steve.”)