Captains log:
Today is day 11,320 of being married and still no extra-marital affairs with Chinese spies.
Perhaps something is wrong with me?
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@jerry - You may present as a well adjusted and happy man and therefore are a hard target.
Try honeypotting it up.
- Get a convertable coup
- Take T supplements and HGH and get a personal trainer
- Wear a leather jacket with aviators
- Get a spray tan and (this part is important) wear your wedding ring DURING the spray tan and then take it off afterwards to really accent the tan lines
- Start hanging out in college bars
- Have a bunch of pictures of a random new apartment that you got after your "recent divorce" and be prepared to show it to anyone you talk to. Bonus points if it has silk sheets and a view of the beach!
- And finally namedrop a bunch of govt contracts and mention all the juicy consulting gigs you have and how you have access to all the core data and systems.
(You got the beach part down... just pretend it's not a healthy and intentional decision on your part)
You got this. You'll pick up a grifter or spy in no time!
@wendynather @tinker @jerry You don't have THAT leather jacket, though.
@mattblaze @tinker @jerry Oh god no, that one’s butt-ugly
@wendynather @mattblaze @tinker @jerry I am available as low key side-spy for anyone. Mostly for parties though.
@lowlands @wendynather @mattblaze @tinker this gives me an idea for a service: you can hire my entourage of random people to attend the same gatherings as you and they mingle in the crowd, looking suspiciously out of place asking how to get time with you.
@jerry @lowlands @wendynather @mattblaze - Where's the application form for this! I'd love this gig!
You need da leather jacket
