Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Snail Blanket. Did you know that a snail's shell is the hardest material on Earth? It is virtually indestructible. Please do not test this out for yourself.
https://collabs.shop/ontr6s
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@lowqualityfacts ants would be better
@lowqualityfacts The snail program was a dismal failure until they put them in tiny cars. The cars were embossed with the letter S, which stood for Snail, of course.
Observers were heard saying, "Look at that S car go!"
@lowqualityfacts The USPS still employs whales for overseas delivery.
@lowqualityfacts I'm sorry, but I have to object; this is misinformation. It's a myth created by the capitalist class to obscure the true history of the snail labor movement, not unlike the true history of the Luddites. The snail mail delivery workers were perfectly capable of understanding and doing the job; they simply refused to comply with demands to work under unacceptable conditions, such as dangerously long workdays and frequent exposure to salt.
"It's time for your 90 day review, Gary, and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. You're not doing great"*
Do you know why they call mailed letters snail mail? It's because snails were briefly employed at the United States Postal Service in 1953. This program quickly ended because snails were not only painfully slow, but were also entirely incapable of comprehending their job.