Back in Spain for almost a week now. A huge difference compared to Romania. At least here people are much nicer, you can go for walks in nature....etc...

But, still I feel like I am sucked into a black hole of problems. Days feel shorter and darker. Maybe because there is less light too, so literally darker as well. But time passes by so fast the older you get. And more problems the older you get.

Will try to do my best to stabilize my life and work on TROM again, but honestly it feels like endless roadblocks in my way.

Some nights I look at park4night at the places we've been to with Tortuge (the camper)...wonderful memories. That life ended up so fast and abruptly. And in such a shitty way. My dream was to go travel with Sasha with the camper, create a yearly trade-free event, write more TROM Articles, make more videos, go volunteer, have a diverse and meaningful life, for both of us. I was so close to that, then it fell off a cliff.

I am trying my best to still dream about such a lifestyle even if it is just me. But now with my father having a lot of health problems, my parents now in Spain, the future is something that scares me and I refuse to think about. For context my father had 5 strokes in 1 year. He has severe problems with understanding where things are in space, recognizing objects, difficult to orient himself....can barely speak, cannot read or write, very difficult to use his hands....basically needs constant care and my mother who is almost 70 cannot by herself take care of him. We got them to Spain, were able to rent a flat for 6 months because in Spain renting long term is a wet dream....everyone only rents for the season. Maximize the profit, of course. Bless the Trade Society.

We have a lot of plans to do and problems to solve.

I wonder how to find happiness in such a situation. And where.

At least I am lucky that the human invented world, the bullshit jobs, money, ownership, nationalities and countries,, all of that is not all it is. In fact is a simplistic and primitive world that humans have invented. I am lucky that the real reality of atoms, evolution, galaxies and quasars lets me feel part of something special and important. It would be hell on earth if all it was, was the human world.

At least this fact keeps me afloat.

Is been 3 days since I stopped taking my sleeping pills. At least that is an improvement. However I feel like I would start using them again...

Anyway, my life sucks but I have to fight to not let it suck for too long, else what's the point....will do my best to focus on TROM....videos, a new article about AI. Will try!

Rant done!