Discussion
I'm watching The Wicker Tree and I'm trying to decide if the Wicker Man remake is actually better than this dreary, wooden-acted, full-of-exposition-dialogue endeavour.
It's not all bad ... but it's far from good.
30 minutes in and so far there's been nothing interesting.
Also you can tell it's a low budget movie. It has the feel of a TV programme.
It's all those little details that really gives it away that the budget was either really low or they squandered the money on something else.
idk maybe chips or something.
Look, 50 minutes in and there's still no story. They've gone to a place and she's going to be the May Queen ...
And?
It's mostly the Texans visiting various places and people saying stuff.
But no story.
No one will remain seated during the slowish horse riding chase sequence!
No one will be able to hold their laughter during the near-castration scene where they need to stop the bleeding!
This isn't a folk horror.
It's a movie where things happen.
That's about it.
Stuff happens in a particular order and there's some vague plan that's not really all that interesting.
I hope the entire cast are burned at the end of this one.
Wooden delivery: "They've killed that man that was in this movie"
Wooden delivery: "They killed him. That's probably sad or something. Never mind."
Wooden delivery: "Don't go that way because danger or something."
Seriously! The people who just ripped apart and ate a human are now rendered immobile by a woman's act of defiance.
None of this makes sense!
Ahh! The ending of the film totally explains why they needed such a wooden performance from the actress.
It's probably very clever or something.
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The premise isn't all that bad ... but it's so poorly executed and treats Texans like Jesus-praising simpletons who are impressed by a British accent and some crappy local customs.
And it makes Scots out to be simpletons too. Except for the rich folk who are moustache-twirling evil ones.
It has none of the mystery that carries your intrigue that the original Wicker Man has.
It's just all wrong.
Also the pagans are not very pagany.