@jannem lol every now and then ive met some old wizard with stories who's like "ah yes when we used drum memory" or "mind you this was before compilere..." and then they will drop some wild-ass sexist statement outta nowhere. (usually in the form of benign sexism) and it's like, this guy is going to be dead in a decade or two. I can react with offense and feel all self righteous or I can keep listening to rare antediluvian tech lores
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@Xibanya @jannem that's called benevolent sexism
I see what you're getting at with the practical advice, like we're all tired at work though. And we should all work on our biases. If not sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia etc.
It's a choice not to do that. Men who choose every day not to learn or try to do better when, apparently, they really want to though! Yeah I'm not buying it... Men benefit from sexism. I think most know that on some level too.
And a lot of them aren't willing to help undo it.
So calling out isn't just a benefit to us, but to other men who have chosen to do the work. And men should be doing that, not leaving it all to the women (or woman) in the room.
Patting them on their tired, accidentally actively sexist heads sounds very coddle-y to me.
But I am lucky to work in a very female-dominated space (charity sector, but on the science end). Our bigger issue is the 'oh no not politics!' centrist-y pearl-clutching.
@noodlemaz @jannem in most of my last few jobs I have been the literal only female senior engineer or one of the only female senior engineers. I'm like the only women these guys see regularly other than their wife. I get what you are saying but if I held the men I worked to against standards I would have zero career
@Xibanya @jannem I get where you're coming from! Just that it's important to acknowledge this *is* coddling them and not holding them to a pretty low standard, bwcause that responsibility absolutely shouldn't fall on you alone.
Otherwise I can see men running with this like SEE - You shouldn't tell me not to be sexist, I can't help it! This woman is doing it right!
When you're just... Surviving. And we deserve better than that but, when men hold all the cards, what else can you realistically do.
@jannem most common ancient brain benign sexism being things like "because women all want children/like being told what to do/are naturally drawn to knitting/are emotional, they are very good at [skill utterly unrelated to whatever it was]"
and then they think they have paid me a compliment lol